I'm still here... I think.

/ Sunday, January 22, 2012 /
So here I am at almost 3 am, thinking about my blog. This blog. I'm thinking about why my last post is from November 8th, when here it is almost at the end of January.

When I started this blog, what I wanted wasn't just a place I could call my own. I wanted a place where I could connect with people, other bloggers and commenters alike. I wanted a place where I could share my style with other like-minded individuals. I wasn't really interested in being a part of the whole rat-race mentality that plagues a lot of fashion blogs. I mostly just wanted to reach out to people and feel like I was a part of something. That was the whole reasoning behind the title of my blog, because I'm not the only one who dresses the way I do. I wanted to find those people using my blog.

But somewhere along the line I think I lost sight of that. I wracked my brain for things to wear instead of letting it come naturally. I hated how strained and forced my face looked in photos, even after I took multiples--sometimes I even got up to 20 or even 30 before I finally gave up. I didn't like that I couldn't get proper lighting, lighting that wouldn't cast harsh shadows on my face and my knees. I've always had a complex about how my face looks, how my knees look. It's an irrational thought. And even now, when I'm starting to accept myself a little bit more, looking back at these pictures makes me cringe a little even though it's probably more noticeable to me than to anyone else. I also have to say that the abandoning of my blog also occurred at an emotionally difficult time, which didn't make me feel inclined to push through my issues and continue posting. All these things combined led to a week without posting, then a month, then 2 months, and now...

BUT--and here's the but--I don't want to abandon this blog. It brought so many positives for me. It helped me to meet so many people that I loved chatting with, who I want to continue to talk to and get to know more deeply. It helped me develop my style, and I know I've grown even more since then and I'm anxious to show it off here. So, I'm going to give this another try. I'm heading back to school for my next semester tomorrow, and I am really going to try and get this blog rolling again. I'm not sure if anyone is reading this anymore but if you are, I hope you'll stick with me while I give it another go. In closing, here's a recent photo of me (if December can be considered recent):

And here's an even older photo of me. I'm including it because, even though it's a little wannabe model-esque, I feel that I look pretty in it. And that's something I'm striving to do every day.


  1. You are a very insightful person. I think a lot of us bloggers are in this together as a way of finding ourselves and expressing ourselves. I think it is a good way for you to let out how you feel and hopefully you can start to feel more comfortable. I also hope you continue blog because it is very interesting to read!

    1. Thank you! That's what I'm hoping to do.

      Well, at least that's what I want to do if I can figure out these new blogger comment changes. Sigh. Every time I come back something has changed and I have to fix my template haha.

  2. Ahh I am SO HAPPY that you said my style reminds you of Spank! My life is complete haha. I love your style! Especially that vintage pony sweater you own oh my god. This is my second attempt at blogging because I was way too lazy to keep up with the first one. I know how you feel about over analyzing the photos and lighting. I really want to get a better camera lens. Don't quit blogging! I just found your blog and you're so cute!

    1. Yeah, I love Spank! so much. Pop kei, fairy kei--that sort of thing. I don't dress in it much myself but I can definitely appreciate the style.

      Hah yeah, laziness played a bit of a part for me. We just have to keep on it and not let ourselves get sidetracked! ...That's what I keep telling myself anyway hah. I want a better camera altogether. I'm still using a point and shoot, and out of laziness the pictures in this post are from mac photobooth! I mean it's not horrible or anything, but I'd definitely like something a little bit better. Anyway I hope you keep on blogging too!

  3. You look lovely <3
    I hope that whatever you were struggling with is better now, or that its at least not so bad. I totally agree with what you said about us all being in this together, about not being the only one to dress a certain way. The way you wrote that really made me smile because to me that is what I love about sharing my outfits, and seeing others and talking to them. The sense of communication and friendship formed, and us all being together somehow, even if we're all spread out.

    1. Thank you!

      Yes, things are going a bit better. I'm just trying to take things day by day, and trying to get this blog back up and running is one of the ways I'm using to get myself back to (somewhat) normalcy.

      I don't think I'd be able to dress the way I do without the community online. Even before I started this blog I would look at others' outfits for inspiration, but even more than that I'd look at them to gain confidence. I tend to think of my style as a bit weird or out there (I know other people see it that way) so it's nice to have a place where I can share my weirdness with others hahah.

  4. I went through this phase with my blog about a year ago, thinkin' I wasn't accomplishing what I had set out to do and feelin' down about it, but sometimes such a phase is necessary.

    I love how genuine and thoughtful you are! And your style, of course. :) So, basically ... please stick around! You have the passion that can inspire other bloggers, not just perpetuate the "rat race mentality".

    - Brittney

    1. Maybe that's just how it is... you have to have a little moment of wavering to see if this is the type of project you really want to commit yourself to. It really helped me to re-evaluate what I want from this blog, and to stop listening to what I should do to have a 'successful' fashion blog. I can't say whether or not I'll ultimately follow some of the omg blogging success! path that a lot of fashion blogs follow, but I know I don't have to do every little thing, have the best pictures, or have every single social media account to have a good blog.

      I'm going to try my best to stick around! I really don't want to let this blog fail just yet.

  5. After years of my fluffy blog I keep periodically thinking of the whys and hows of my blog and blogging in general and feeling awkward while posing, but that's just how it goes I suppose. I push through it or I abandon blogging for a short while and usually I feel okay again because expressing my enthusiasm about style/clothing and the connection with like-minded people is worth it. I hope you feel better or you'll feel better soon <3

    You look adorable! :D

  6. So pretty! Love the way you layer everything! Amazing looks!

    PS. We've a DORIS giveaway on our blog! Check it out, if you'd like! :)

    ox from NYC,





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