Creepers (not the shoes, sadly) and Costumes

/ Friday, October 21, 2011 /
It's been a little while since I've posted, hasn't it? My blog isn't even yet a month old and I'm off to a roaring start, aren't I? I could come up with a number of excuses but none of them really feel genuine, so I think I'll just skip them.

I have been feeling sick lately, though, so I don't have much to offer in the way of outfit snaps. Hopefully I'll be able to get back on that next week instead of regressing to my jeans-tshirt-sweatshirt ultimate frump combo. But it's so comfortable, I just couldn't help myself.

However, I did go out to some parties this past weekend! That's a bit of a change for me, since I'm really not the college partier type. The first party was definitely in my element though, since it was a geeky costume party thing. I was kind of dragged along by friends so I didn't have time to come up with a costume, so I wore something "geeky" instead, as much as I can do anyway since I don't own much geeky attire.

T-shirt: Threadless
Skirt: Target

I tried to add cute little buns on the top of my head (which was an extremely difficult task since this was my first time ever attempting it) and by the time this picture was taken halfway through the evening one of them had deflated.... ah well, it was alright for a first try.

It was geeky and kind of awkward but I had a fun time. My friend ended up winning the costume contest so that was exciting! The only damper on the evening was the girl taking pictures in the background as my friends and I came out of the party. I'm not sure what came over me, but I suddenly became very angry at her. I'll admit, I gave her the finger a few times! But that didn't deter her, and before I knew it I was marching over to confront her. I asked her why she felt the need to take pictures, and the only response she could come up with was that she was taking pictures of the building. After that I just walked off.

I really would have preferred that she had told the truth. That kind of answer is so ridiculous that I had no response. I usually try not to let this sort of thing bother me but sometimes I can't help it. It just feels creepy to have people sneakily take your picture so they can laugh at it later. It's creepy as hell, but we've become so used to having our pictures taken at any given moment and taking pictures of others that we've ceased to see anything wrong with it. I feel that it's different from the pictures I take of myself and put up here on the web of my own accord. One is a choice I make, and the other is something done without my consent or sometimes even knowledge. There's nothing wrong with it in the eyes of the law so I'm not going to make a huge fuss over it, but I can still find it creepy. My only comfort is that after my confrontation she put her phone camera away. I think I hit a note there and made her feel some embarrassment, which is a step. Simply ignoring things and going on your merry way can be a good policy, but I don't think there's anything wrong with confronting something you find wrong as long as it doesn't escalate the situation. In this case it ended the behavior, probably because she didn't expect to be confronted about it and it caught her off guard.

I also went to another party the day after. This one is the biggest party on campus and since I'm a senior and have never been, I decided to give it a shot. I am so very, very glad I only went once. It was a huge mass of people, full of more shoving and pushing than dancing, and I almost lost my friends a number of times. Plus there were the creepy guys who come out of nowhere... Needless to say, we did not stay very long. But I now have another stamp on my college experience card.

We were a bit too preoccupied with running around and being late for things to take pictures (case in point: We arrived at the party 5 minutes before they stopped handing out the wristbands for admittance) so I don't have any pictures for this party. Even if I did I'm not sure if I would want to post them. I just felt so out of my element the entire time. The dress I had chosen to wear was not something I normally wear. It had cut outs that exposed my back, the bodice dipped to show off my boobs, and the skirt was tight and rode up the entire night. I felt downright uncomfortable by the end of the night. I even kept a small cardigan on the entire time and I still felt strange. This dress felt like more of a costume to me than what I wore to the costume party.

Product image of the dress. (Source)

I think the dress is cute and I still really like it, but it doesn't feel like me, not yet. I'm not sure if it ever will. But I'm at the point in my life where I'm 'supposed' to be moving toward styles like this, 'supposed' being a big, open-ended term dripping in expectations of womanhood. But instead I just feel like a child trying to dress up and failing miserably. I don't feel like an adult in clothes like this and I certainly don't feel entirely comfortable. It's difficult. It's difficult to reconcile all these feelings, the feelings of needing to grow up and feeling unable, the feelings of not fitting into the narrow categories of acceptable presentation and being judged for it... It's all something that I'm going to have to come to terms with for myself because the outside world isn't going to change for just me. But that doesn't mean it isn't a difficult process.

Wow, this post turned out much longer than I intended! Well, it has been a while, so maybe this will make up a little bit for the time I've missed.


  1. I love that shirt and skirt! I want them! :) Also, I'm really not the party type either, I'm glad I'm not the only one :) xxx

  2. Hm yeah, I'm not sure is the shirt is still on Threadless or not. They do limited runs of everything, unless they decide to repeat.

    Hah yeah I've never been a partier. I mean there's nothing wrong with that, but people are always like "oh but you should try it!" and I did and just, yeah... not for me, I suppose.

  3. I understand so much of what you're saying here. No, scratch that I understand everything and have felt everything here.

    I've had people taking pictures of me too without my consent and feeling creeped out by it is not in the least bit an inappropriate feeling. I've had men trying to get cellhphone shots of my panties, I've literally had men stop their cars to take a picture and I've definitely had teens and so on downright laugh at me while taking pics. It makes me feel like I have no right to dress and therefore be who I want to be and like my body is public property, and something should be done about it but for now we only have wonderful (online) initiatives like stop street harassment.

    I also definitely understand what you're saying about feeling an outside pressure of dressing more "adult", I think possibly the pressure I feel is a lot less because I'm in art school but after feeling SO GUILTY about it for so long I've decided to really not give a damn so long as it's possible because to me there is no age on clothing. The age set on clothing continually shifts in history which is a clear indicator to me that "dressing for your age" is bullshit. But of course, I know: the real world after college will give you a lot of shit for refusing to dress like a proper adult... I've found a lot of solace in dressing more vintage like, which ironically I used to wear a lot more when I was younger. Ironically I used to wish I was older when I was a kid, and now I seem to be reliving some kind of childhood that I missed through my clothing :'D

  4. My friend has that shirt! Coolio :3

  5. And I don't know if you've ever gotten this before, but you look just like Tina Fey :)

  6. @Eline: Oh god. I don't think I've ever had someone try to to take upskirt shots of me, but maybe I just haven't noticed... That would definitely be the worst, way more than the other reasons someone would take pictures.

    It definitely does seem to be the consensus that by putting yourself in a public place your body is then public property. I'm not sure I really like how our society has become so plugged into technology that we seem to be losing all concept of privacy. Things like People of Walmart just sketch me out so much. I can't consider it "all in good fun." It's sort of weird since I personally have less of a problem if, say, someone took pictures from here on my blog and decided to ridicule them. At least I have made a conscious decision about how to present myself and to post the pictures online. In people's candid shots I lose that agency. It's a bit violating.

    Yeah, that is part of what I don't get. Sometimes people seem so set in their current time that they don't realize that things like what we wear and how we act are based in historical contexts. At one time children were largely considered mini adults and treated as such. Now, adolescence extends well into the 20s. Of course, by not conforming to the age-appropriate standards of our time we do sort of paint a target on our backs, sigh. But dressing like I 'should' be dressing just doesn't feel right to me.

    I also think that there is a bit of wanting to return to childhood, I definitely can't deny that. Adulthood has so little to offer these days, and any childhood wishes of "I'm going to do this and this when I'm older!" seem like they will never come true. When you're becoming an adult it can become hard to dream of greater things. It's really no wonder that many people in our generation seem "childish," when there's not much incentive to growing up. There's not even job security anymore.

    I'm not really sure what I'm going to do when I graduate this year. I also don't know what I'm going to do in terms of my style. I have nothing against a work wardrobe, but I don't really want to change the rest of my wardrobe too. My style is one of the things that makes me happy and I would hate to lose it simply to join the adult world.

    @Charlie: Haha I had never been told that before, but then just today I took off my glasses in front of my friends and they told me the same thing! So I guess it's true. I definitely don't mind being compared to such an awesome lady. Just hopefully this doesn't mean I look like Sarah Palin by association hahahah.

  7. Definitely not! Tina Fey is very beautiful :)




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