Creepers (not the shoes, sadly) and Costumes

It's been a little while since I've posted, hasn't it? My blog isn't even yet a month old and I'm off to a roaring start, aren't I? I could come up with a number of excuses but none of them really feel genuine, so I think I'll just skip them.

I have been feeling sick lately, though, so I don't have much to offer in the way of outfit snaps. Hopefully I'll be able to get back on that next week instead of regressing to my jeans-tshirt-sweatshirt ultimate frump combo. But it's so comfortable, I just couldn't help myself.

However, I did go out to some parties this past weekend! That's a bit of a change for me, since I'm really not the college partier type. The first party was definitely in my element though, since it was a geeky costume party thing. I was kind of dragged along by friends so I didn't have time to come up with a costume, so I wore something "geeky" instead, as much as I can do anyway since I don't own much geeky attire.

T-shirt: Threadless
Skirt: Target

I tried to add cute little buns on the top of my head (which was an extremely difficult task since this was my first time ever attempting it) and by the time this picture was taken halfway through the evening one of them had deflated.... ah well, it was alright for a first try.

It was geeky and kind of awkward but I had a fun time. My friend ended up winning the costume contest so that was exciting! The only damper on the evening was the girl taking pictures in the background as my friends and I came out of the party. I'm not sure what came over me, but I suddenly became very angry at her. I'll admit, I gave her the finger a few times! But that didn't deter her, and before I knew it I was marching over to confront her. I asked her why she felt the need to take pictures, and the only response she could come up with was that she was taking pictures of the building. After that I just walked off.

I really would have preferred that she had told the truth. That kind of answer is so ridiculous that I had no response. I usually try not to let this sort of thing bother me but sometimes I can't help it. It just feels creepy to have people sneakily take your picture so they can laugh at it later. It's creepy as hell, but we've become so used to having our pictures taken at any given moment and taking pictures of others that we've ceased to see anything wrong with it. I feel that it's different from the pictures I take of myself and put up here on the web of my own accord. One is a choice I make, and the other is something done without my consent or sometimes even knowledge. There's nothing wrong with it in the eyes of the law so I'm not going to make a huge fuss over it, but I can still find it creepy. My only comfort is that after my confrontation she put her phone camera away. I think I hit a note there and made her feel some embarrassment, which is a step. Simply ignoring things and going on your merry way can be a good policy, but I don't think there's anything wrong with confronting something you find wrong as long as it doesn't escalate the situation. In this case it ended the behavior, probably because she didn't expect to be confronted about it and it caught her off guard.

I also went to another party the day after. This one is the biggest party on campus and since I'm a senior and have never been, I decided to give it a shot. I am so very, very glad I only went once. It was a huge mass of people, full of more shoving and pushing than dancing, and I almost lost my friends a number of times. Plus there were the creepy guys who come out of nowhere... Needless to say, we did not stay very long. But I now have another stamp on my college experience card.

We were a bit too preoccupied with running around and being late for things to take pictures (case in point: We arrived at the party 5 minutes before they stopped handing out the wristbands for admittance) so I don't have any pictures for this party. Even if I did I'm not sure if I would want to post them. I just felt so out of my element the entire time. The dress I had chosen to wear was not something I normally wear. It had cut outs that exposed my back, the bodice dipped to show off my boobs, and the skirt was tight and rode up the entire night. I felt downright uncomfortable by the end of the night. I even kept a small cardigan on the entire time and I still felt strange. This dress felt like more of a costume to me than what I wore to the costume party.

Product image of the dress. (Source)

I think the dress is cute and I still really like it, but it doesn't feel like me, not yet. I'm not sure if it ever will. But I'm at the point in my life where I'm 'supposed' to be moving toward styles like this, 'supposed' being a big, open-ended term dripping in expectations of womanhood. But instead I just feel like a child trying to dress up and failing miserably. I don't feel like an adult in clothes like this and I certainly don't feel entirely comfortable. It's difficult. It's difficult to reconcile all these feelings, the feelings of needing to grow up and feeling unable, the feelings of not fitting into the narrow categories of acceptable presentation and being judged for it... It's all something that I'm going to have to come to terms with for myself because the outside world isn't going to change for just me. But that doesn't mean it isn't a difficult process.

Wow, this post turned out much longer than I intended! Well, it has been a while, so maybe this will make up a little bit for the time I've missed.